Nature
kdaçlsk
Nature has a wise but ruthless way of ensuring the preservation of the good genetic code - sick animals or dying ones are abanoned by their group or take matters into their own hands and decide to silently stay away from the others. We can appreciate this in many wildlife documentaries. And even in higher species, like primates, there is no truce for the weak.
I have thought about this lately. Maybe because I am spiritualy sick. Maybe because since I can remember I have always felt I am too frail and my parents were not able to teach me the adequate survival techniques. And I know exactly in what measure they didn't do it - one for communication inability, running away from responsability and pure and simple ignorance about the minimal requirements to be a good parent (he himself did not have any guides of his own); the other one because she was always too naïve, lived in a fantasy world and was just born like that, with no authority capacity, being too weak and too kind.
I was forced to learn alone and too late. I wasn't able. I am not able. And the other "animals" feel this and stay away. And I voluntarily keep myself away from them. Because I don't like to feel I'm a burden, I don't like to spoil anyone's fun, I am ashamed and I apologize to the world for my sadness.
I am, thus, a rejected "animal". I understand it. I would do the same if I were on the other side. It's life wanting to go on with it's ... life. It's the genetic material wanting to self-preserve itself and telling me "We don't want your DNA mixed in here. You are weak. You will corrupt the surviving broth."
I do understand. But allow me this desolation canticle. Allow me to chant it. Then you may procede with your lives. Or you may not even hear me. Do not. I don't want to infect you. Forgive me.
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