James Dean, As Far As I'm Concerned, You're Wrong
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There's a big difference, Charlie, between having something bad and suspecting you might have something bad and knowing you might be at risk of developing something bad.
I don't know which is worse - knowing or suspecting. Because when you know, you know exactly what you're up against and you can prepare yourself, either to quit or to fight back.
When you suspect, you don't know what to prepare for. The doubt and uncertainty can be absolutely nerve recking and devastating.
I know this, because I've been through this recently. Until I knew for sure what I had, I went mad. Then, when I knew what I had, I cried an ocean of tears. But I rather cry an ocean of tears than going mad, believe me.
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What happens, then, when the third option is available? You know you might be at risk of having something bad.
Well, that depends a lot on wether you already went through the experience of having something bad or not.
If you didn't, then the third option will drive you mad, because you have no idea what's coming and you're scared shitless. You deny it. You hope you wont be at risk. You pray. You bury your head in the sand and expect the risk to pass you by like Valentino Rossi, without even noticing you. You don't do anything. You rely on luck.
If you did, like me, then everything changes. You know what you're up against and you want it out of your system as soon as possible. Even if it means becoming a crippled monster.
Because, Charlie, our perspective of monstrosity changes with the proximity of any final ending.
And I rather be a living crippled monster than a beautiful corpse.
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