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"It is easier to think in a foreign language than it is to feel in it (...) A thought expressed in a different language may be practically the same thought, but a feeling or emotion expressed in a different language is not the same feeling or emotion. One of the reasons for learning at least one foreign language well is that we acquire a kind of supplementary personality."
T. S. Eliot (On Poetry and Poets)
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To be almost fluent in two languages is a privilege, special and interesting. To be able to feel in 2 languages creates 2 different personalities that add up and originate even a third one. This constant game that I instinctively have created for years and years, has resulted in the development of 2 personalities with which I enjoy myself immensely: the first in english, the second a crazy melting pot of both portuguese and english, where my mind has become naturaly used to true hallucinating ping pong tournaments between the 2 languages, givng birth to anglo-saxonic sentences, thoughts and feelings that only I understand.
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When I write in english I am different than when I write in portuguese. The rythm, the elasticity and the flexbility are so different, that naturally they contaminate one's thoughts and one's feelings. Poetry comes easier, for instance. And because poetry started coming easier in english, it influenced my portuguese writing of poetry. It is possible even, that the habit of writing and thinking in english improved my portuguese writing. Strange, but possible.
And when I plunge into the insane territory ruled by both languages, a third world rises from an unknown limbo of social, cultural, native, historical references. This could be the reason why I feel so fascinated by James Joyce's work. Because he was trying to create this whole new language from every experience known to human kind (prose, poetry, rhyme, song, science, history, art, crafts, astrology, etc) and turn it into the language of thoughts and dreams.
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It is not easy, though, to have been brought up with 2 different cultures. Two very distinct ones. Not everyone understands this. Sometimes they even make fun of it. Of me. I am used to that. But I still don't like it. Ignorance (the fear of that which we do not know) is one of the most powerful weapons in the world. But I feel lucky for the inheritance I received. Honored, even. To be able to speak, feel, think and write in two of the most beautiful languages on earth is indeed a privilege.
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